‘A personal chef, maid and babysitter who still pays half the bills!’: 48-year-old single man describes his unrealistic expectations from a partner, neatly exposing his lifelong bachelor status

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Aug 27, 2025 6:00 AM EDT

This guy just handed his lifelong best friend a memo explaining why he's been single since dial‑up, complete with a royal decree of demands that would make an arranged marriage broker blush. 
 

The vision isn't a relationship so much as a staffing plan: she funds herself, pays her bills, cooks nightly, keeps the home showroom‑ready, and he graciously performs ritual tire checks like a benevolent lord of maintenance. That is not romance, it's outsourcing with pet names, a housewife fantasy minus the single‑income safety net that once made it plausible. The funny part is how neatly the math exposes the myth.

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  • My 48 male bf 48 and his ideal relationship

    A tired looking mature man resting his head on his fist
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  • My male best friend (Im F) and I have been friends since 12. We are long distance.
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  • Two full time jobs plus a second shift at home equals one person subsidizing the other’s comfort, and when that subsidy is renamed tradition the resentment arrives right on schedule. Culture tries to launder it through charm and nostalgia but logistics take attendance: daily cooking beats quarterly oil changes, mental load outlasts folded laundry, and a tidy vibe cannot balance an unequal ledger. 

  • There really is nothing off topic except a few things most hetero, or homosexual guys wouldn't want to hear and vice vs.
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  • Please mind you that my male friend (48) has not had any type of relationship in probably 30 years, because he just has no game at all.
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  • He is a great human, but can't talk to women he doesn't know.
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  • A mature man contemplating whith his hand on parts of his face
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  • He asked me what my dream relationship would be like and I told him. My parents raised me to be with a successful man (its never happened),
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  • but that I had a huge job within that relationship and listed my duties off.
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  • He was like-wow that' was specific. Down to hoping the dream guy would have kids and the bio mom and I could get along,
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  • because I was unable to have children.
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  • He asks would I date a guy with less wealth (Always have) and how low is too low.
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  • A mature man looking at himself in the mirror, contemplating
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  • - I tell him what I make and say it would be fine if he made the same amount, because my brain is thinking we together make X amount and thats pretty decent.
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  • I ask him his dream relationship and he says, she needs to make her own money + pay her own bills + cook clean the house.
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  • He can do his laundry.
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  • I just spit out- you've got to be kidding me? You both work, but she's cooking/preparing all meals and has to keep the house clean while working the same hours as you.
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  • We are both from the South and i know exactly the meals he is wanting and the level of cleanliness as well.
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  • His family came from decent money, and his mom was always a housewife.
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  • You both come home from work exhausted, but she's got to keep going and you get to sit down and relax?
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  • I tell him- you realize this is a huge reason women don't want a relationship and a huge reason they divorce men.
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  • I let him know don't expect a soft woman and don't expect a long relationship either.
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  • He argues he would make sure her tires are good, engine oil is good.
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  • I interrupt- you doing that every day?
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  • Adults don’t resent care, they resent conscription. The durable model is boring in the best way: list the tasks, count the hours, split by capacity, adjust as life changes, treat time like money because it is. Anything else turns love into a quiet subsidy with a smile tax. He didn’t confess a preference, he revealed a business plan that needs an employee, not a partner. And the punchline is simple enough to write on a sticky note: if the job description is chef cleaner coordinator and co‑earner, the compensation is partnership or it’s nothing at all.

  • His next argument is that she doesn't need to work full time- part time is fine. She just needs to pay her own bills.
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  • I interrupt again- unless she's getting alimony, child support, or has investments what person in their 30s-40s is working less than 40 hours (outside of restaurant workers)
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  • and be a quality person? And that he thinks it's fine, but more than likely she is lower class and has major financial issues- again unless she is getting money elsewhere and just works a bs job because she's bored.
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  • Anyway- close enough to him to tell him to just go to Thailand or the Philippines (Im half Korean) and go get a wife there.
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  • But realize her family will see him as very wealthy and he'll send money home for her, and some family will expect sponsorship to come over as well.
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  • I guess im just astounded, because i couldn't believe i was finally hearing a man be honest that a woman should do exponentially more work in a relationship,
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  • and a man completely clueless why there was anything wrong with that. Factor in if there are kids in that too. Geez.
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  • This is why when the woman leaves the relationship, the guy says-I thought everything was fine.
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  • Yes, everything was fine for YOU. You had a personal chef, maid and babysitter who was still paying half the bills!
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